- Rushed off your feet with all the preparations for Christmas?
- Suddenly realised you haven’t made the cake?
Fear not! With this fabulous, last minute Christmas cake recipe, you can astound your family and friends and no one will ever know you made it so late…
Last minute Christmas cake recipe
2 cups plain flour
1 cup white sugar
2 cups dried fruit
1 cup brown sugar
8oz crushed nuts
large bottle of rum
It’s very important to sample the rum to check for quality.
Take a large bowl, check the rum again to be absolutely sure.
Pour out 1 level cupful of rum. Drink it. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar, beat again.
At this point it’s best to make sure the rum hasn’t gone off since you opened it. Try another cup, just in case.
Turn off the mixer thingy. Break 2 eggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the dried fruit. Pick the damn fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner. If the dried fruit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the rum to check for consisticity. Sift 2 cups of salt or
Check the rum. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar or somefink. Whatever you can find, it doesn’t marrer.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
Finish the rum and wipe the worktop with the cat.
Go to Tosco’s and buy a bloody cake.
Bingle Jells (hic)!